u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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