dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
