We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
