I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
