don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
