it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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