I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
