sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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