i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
