doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
