It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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