morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
