You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize