how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
