4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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