I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
