So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
