You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
