I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
