No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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