You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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