I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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