I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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