so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
