I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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