Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
