Kiss
Puke
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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