It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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