we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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