Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
