a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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