the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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