saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
