I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
