I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
