i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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