Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
