I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
