i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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