If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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