Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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