just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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