You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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