how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
