FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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