you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
