how can u be prego again
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she peed on how many people?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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