ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
