There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
