we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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