So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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