Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
