i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize