Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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