I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
