TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
