At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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