Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Less talking, more tequila
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
