Im at strip club and am horny
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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