Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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