You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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