eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
