Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
