god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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