maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
