My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Someone shattered a urinal.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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