Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
