fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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