he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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