That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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