No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
