you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
