A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
