i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
