I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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