well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
