Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
