I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
