cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
