If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
